Thursday, May 22, 2008


I was trying to prove something. I was trying to get someone to understand. I have been trying for weeks.

Today, I still feel the same way. I want others to understand and to know. I want everybody to ask. Why? Because I am surprised why no one has dared ask me. Not a single person approached and asked me what happened. I came into conclusion that they already have talked to whoever, and gotten there whatever side of the story. I maybe wrong, and probably is. But why the silence? Can you blame me for asking?

For weeks, I faced this dilemma alone. I have no one to talk too. I don't think anybody would understand how that felt. Zero. Nodda. None.. Nobody. All I needed was for someone to tell me, that I didn't do wrong. I want re-affirmation that I did good. I don't want to put blame to others, but wanted for others to see the right in me. Or, again, I maybe wrong. I maybe at the wrong side of the boat. I maybe the one to blame. Maybe that's what I really needed, someone to knock the hell out of me and tell me that I fucked up.

If a person is open to the idea that he maybe wrong, shouldn't we give him the benefit of the doubt, and possibly consider the idea, that he maybe right after all?

Proving who's right and wrong is a lame excuse. It's unprofessional and an immature way of thinking. But sometimes the solution to a problem is going back to basics. Who did what and why? Another point to consider is the present situation. Who has what, and who has nothing? What changed and what did not? Who's smiling, who's crying? Who's utterly boasting, and who's self keeping?

Am I expecting others to think the same way? Yes!!! A hundred gazillion Yes!

But honestly... no.

I don't expect for others to understand. I don't want others to know. I am not wanting for everyone to ask me, why and what happened.

You know why?

Because no one in this world would understand how I am feeling right now....